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Well hello there Gentle Reader (assuming you exist). Samhain. Well what can I say. Its my fave' sabbat and this year seems so relevant. Samhain morning brought the first real frost of the year which is a very real marker of the change of season. It also brought the first 'shout' in my new role. I ended up committing a woman to compulsory detention in hospital using my new responsibility /power. Not at all a nice thing to have to do. But a necessary one sadly. And a further mark of change for me in my personal life journey. It is not an easy thing to be the guy responsible to the most part, for removing the liberty of a fellow human who has not committed a crime.

The rite was emotionally charged. Nice memories of my maternal grandparents. But more revealing was the coming to mind of a child (I always think daughter but am not sure why) that my ex and I lost early in pregnancy. It was our first pregnancy and was for me the first taste of intimate death apart from grandparents. A child that never was, only being a couple of months into the pregnancy. It has left me feeling a little confused as I self analyse, but strangely at peace. It was nearly 20 yrs ago, a lifetime in some ways, but a mile stone in my 'growing up'.

This morning has dawned bright and clear, almost a physical image of the cleansing I got from last night's rite.

I am a follower of the Dark Goddess in many ways and the coming of winter is not a fearful time. The night can be warm, bringing a time for dreams, rest comfort and intimacy. A time of mystery. Not just a time of lessened control and of chaos. So Gentle Reader, I say welcome to the dark times, to that portion of the year where we no longer see or control the limits of our world as much as in the light. If you cant feel the floor do not assume you are falling. You might be flying!!

Love and Light. ) 0 (

I was recently called out to a client with a view to compulsory detention for treatment in hospital. Complex cause there is a baby involved. The child is to go into care. On the one hand the idea of the child needing a mom is so ingrained and is true. Add to this the number of women I have seen as clients who trace their train wreck lives to the effects of being in care. But on the other hand the mother has little ability to care for herself let alone her child so life with mother would be dangerous at worst, deprived and damaging at best.

Then there is mom. Her life is haunted by paranoid schizophrenia. Imagine your whole life being subject to a running commentary you cant turn off telling you how terrible you are and how 'they' are going to get you. Then some people tell you the voice and that you are ill and if you do not take medication 'they' will take you to hospital against you will and keep you there till they say you can go. And other people tell you that you cannot take your new born baby home, ever. But the they that the voice tells you are going to wreck your life are not real. Bet we felt pretty real to her.

We were left in a simple but heart breaking position. To become the 'they ' that change her life in ways she does not want in order to protect her from her fear that the 'they' she believes will wreck her life.

While a different team had to decide to put a child in the way of possible harm against the mother's will instead of leaving her with her mother where harm is probable.

Then people ask if I believe in a deity that has a benign plan for all humans.

On the positive side she will probably respond to treatment at least enough to be able to return home with intense support from professionals. I have to believe in what we do because if we had not been there the situation would have been hard to imagine. I tiny vulnerable child and a lonely woman haunted by fear and voices of people she could not see or ever get away from for a moment. Is there a winner in this? Who knows. Probably not. But at least the loosers may not pay quite such a heavy cost.

On the bright side the hills were painted in reds and golds and the wind blew showers of leaves as flocks of starlings, rooks and crows roiled and swirled in the autumn sky. Life seemed bleak. But I feel the Goddess shrugging her shoulders and saying "Child of man it was ever thus. And you were never promised anything else. Some rare few folk live in spring all their lives and some only ever in the bleak barren fields of Samhain. Be grateful your life has seasons." And I thank the Great One every day that it is so for me.

Testing Testing

I plan to start a blog  here after Samhain, well thats not true really Gentle Reader, I intend to start a blog here after I recover from Samhain. It is a very special sabbat for me bringing mixed memories of good ones, bloody awful ones and funny ones.

One that sticks in the mind was the Samhain where we were supposed to do a tarot gig in Liverpool. We got there, went to the bar and said "Is upstairs ready?" "Ready for what?" the barman asked. "The Tarot night" said I brightly in my best cheery Rook.  "Tarot night? How cool. When is it?"  At this point we started feeling uneasy. Scouse humour???? "Erm tonight" " Are you sure?" he asked. "About as sure as possible, WE are the readers doing it."  "F^%£*d if I know, first I heard of it" was his reply.

 Seems the person who kindly offered to put the posters up thought it would be a good idea to bring them on the night NOT A WEEK BEFORE TO ADVERTISE IT!!!!!!! 

On the bright side I got to meet Ingrid for the first time and made enough cash (just) to get a couple of pints if not to cover my travel. And generally had a good rattle with friends so no loss really.

Anyway the TV just stopped cooperating half way through a football game I was watching (which kinda serves me right for watching the round ball) and the web site I was hunting for has evaded me so I am going to resort to book beer and probably bed. Slaving over a load of legal papers tomorrow between clients so its prob for the best.

 Till next time Gentle Reader.